


The Birthday Present

by LittleThingsAreInfinitelyMoreImportant



Series: My Smut69 Challenge [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Funny, Hand Jobs, I have no idea where this came from, M/M, Maybe I should be, Onesies, Well maybe not, at least mildly amusing, but I hope so, but I'm not sorry for it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 22:11:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3305213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleThingsAreInfinitelyMoreImportant/pseuds/LittleThingsAreInfinitelyMoreImportant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mrs Hudson’s idea of a ‘cute’ gift leads to some fun times for the boys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Birthday Present

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly have no idea what on earth possessed me to write such a thing. It began in a conversation on another website about how onesies for two people were now available to buy for Valentine’s Day. Then it descended into the sheer madness of speculation on how John and Sherlock would receive such a gift…and then it all got filthy. I should apologise for this, but I really, really don’t…
> 
> All mistakes are mine. Unbeta-d and written in a kind of daze...
> 
> Prompt 67 - Writers Choice for my Smut69 Challenge on Livejournal.

John doesn’t know what on earth possessed Mrs Hudson to buy Sherlock such a gift. It was the most un-Sherlockian gift he’d ever seen and whenever John thought about it, it made him flush and squirm in embarrassment.

To be fair to Sherlock, he had taken the unusual gift rather well. He had smiled and thanked her graciously. He’d even condescended to give her a hug. He really did have a soft spot for their landlady.

Since then though, it had remained firmly wrapped in its cellophane and underneath the sofa. John was fairly sure Sherlock had forgotten about it.

~

_Two Days Earlier_

“Happy Birthday Sherlock, dear”

Mrs Hudson swooped into the room with her usual ‘woohoo’ of greeting, bearing a package wrapped in red paper and black ribbon. John, halfway through his morning cuppa and paper, looked up with interest as the woman placed it on Sherlock’s lap and bent to kiss him on the cheek. Sherlock closed his laptop with a flourish and turned to her.

“Thank you Mrs Hudson” he said, picking up the package and examining it closely.

“Sherlock, just open it” snipped John. He was somewhat annoyed that his boyfriend had managed to deduce each and every one of John’s gifts to him before he had even opened them. Sherlock shot a somewhat guilty look back at him. At least he was somewhat contrite about ruining every one of John’s surprises for him. He picked up the package in his lap again and began trying to wrestle the ribbon off. The thing was better guarded than a vestal virgin.

“I do hope you like it dear. I’ve never really known what to get you before and it was just a fun little idea. I saw it in the shop and thought it would be so cute for you both” Mrs Hudson trilled. John froze and looked up from his paper again, this time more interested. What could Mrs Hudson have possibly got that would suit both of them? John was personally hoping for a new kettle.

Finally, the last of the wrapping paper fell to the floor and Sherlock was holding a cellophane wrapped package in his hands. He was staring at it in confusion. John got up and went to stand behind the detective, leaning over to read the label.

It was a onesie.

For two people…

A twosie?

Did they even make those?

Apparently they did.

Mrs Hudson was beaming at them both. John closed his eyes and took a deep breath, willing Sherlock to be nice, just for once, and accept it graciously.

“I just thought it would be so cute for you two. I often come up at night and find you both snoozing under that thin, ratty old blanket in front of the telly and this was just too perfect"

Sherlock blinked, then looked up at John like a child who was being made to kiss a coddling old auntie. John very nearly lost himself to giggles, but he managed to keep a straight face and widen his eyes imploringly at his lover. Sherlock turned back to Mrs Hudson with a sickly smile plastered across his face.

“Thank you so much Mrs Hudson. It’s just perfect. I’m looking forward to…snuggling...” he said the word as though it left a bad taste in his mouth “up in it, with John” he said, looking up at John challengingly.

“Oh, yes it’s just…perfect” concurred John.

“Oh, I’m so glad you like it. I know it’s not much but I just had to once I saw it. It’s got this cute little hedgehogs and otters pattern on it” gushed Mrs Hudson. John and Sherlock both stood with tolerant smiles on their faces as Mrs Hudson kissed them both on the cheek and then took her leave, promising to return later with a cake.

~

A clatter followed by a muttered curse from the kitchen shook John out of his reverie.

“Anything broken, maimed or dead?” he called, turning the page in his paper.

“Don’t be ridiculous John” came the reply. John had a sneaking suspicion that the new glassware John had bought Sherlock for his experiments as a birthday present had just become a casualty.

“Woohoo”

There was a tap at the door and Mrs Hudson walked in.

“Hello dears, I was just about to go out and wondered if you needed anything?” she asked. She peered into the kitchen (Oh Sherlock, the mess you’ve made), before looking expectantly at John.

“I don’t think so Mrs Hudson. I only just did a shopping run yesterday. Although Sherlock has been up all night using god knows what to do god knows what"

“We need more butter” came Sherlock’s voice from the kitchen.

“What happened to the block I bought yesterday?” asked John.

“I am not at liberty to divulge such information” was the snippy reply.

“Very well…I’ll get two just in case and…oh Sherlock, you haven’t even opened your present yet” scolded Mrs Hudson, pulling the package from under the sofa and undoing it herself. She shook out the garment and John had to hold back a laugh. It was the most ridiculous thing he had ever seen. It had four legs but only two arms, one for each of them. John could tell that being in the thing for even five minutes would infuriate his genius, madcap boyfriend. Sherlock never liked having a limited range of motion.

“Oh…well we…just hadn’t got around to it yet. Sherlock had a case and what with my work at the surgery we haven’t really stopped” said John, trying to spare the landladys feelings.

“Put it on for me now” she said, shaking the onesie in John’s direction.

“Come on, just for a minute, so I can see”

She blinked owlishly at John.

“Sherlock, come here” she called.

“Busy”

“Sherlock it’ll only take a minute. Do it for me?” begged Mrs Hudson. John could practically hear the eye roll, but thankfully he stood up without any more protest. He slouched gracelessly over to her and snatched the garment from her hands. He and John locked eyes as the detective advanced on him with a look in his eyes that clearly said ‘let’s get this over with’ and John sighed before pulling off his jumper. The thing would be far too hot in that onesie.

Despite himself, John couldn’t help busting into giggles as they tried to get into the onesie. Every time John went to put his leg in, he pulled the onesie out from underneath Sherlock and made him huff with annoyance.

“Let’s do this logically John! You are shorter than me so you put your legs in first” instructed Sherlock, holding the onesie open. John balanced himself with his hands on Sherlock’s shoulders as he stepped into the garment. Sherlock followed suit, folding his ridiculously long legs into the onesie (twosie?) and hiking it up to his middle. Putting their spare arm around each other so as not to topple over, each man worked their arm into their respective sleeve and then froze. They blinked foolishly down at the zipper. How on earth were they going to do that up with only one free arm each?

“We’re going to have to coordinate” said John, just as Mrs Hudson stepped forward and solved the problem by yanking the zip all the way up to their necks. She stepped back and beamed at them.

“Oh you boys look so adorable” she cooed, beaming at them as they stood awkwardly in front of her. John felt utterly ridiculous and tried hard not to blush. He looked down at his feet and tried to shuffle them, making Sherlock squawk in surprise as he was knocked off balance by the movement. John just about caught him and shoved him upright again.

“I always knew you two would be adorable together. Took you a while to realise though didn’t it. Right dears, butter. I’ll be back soon” she muttered, wandering out of the flat.

“Mrs Hudson…the zip…!” John called after her. It was rather futile, she was already long gone. With her out of the way, John managed to catch sight of himself in the mirror over the fireplace. At the same time, Sherlock looked into the mirror and their eyes met.

Then, they both dissolved into helpless laughter.

“Oh God…we…we look…utterly…completely ridiculous” gasped John.

“Can I take this opportunity to say that I am glad that we are not this sort of couple” chuckled Sherlock.

“Oh I don’t know, it’s quite nice, this”

If looks could kill, John would be dead right now.

“Anyway, it’s far too impractical. I feel like I’m all tied up in knots”

“Give it a minute and you might like it” winked John.

“John Hamish Watson, did you just try to make some kinky soft bondage reference and then _wink_ at me?”

John flushed and giggled again.

“Interesting”

John didn’t know what Sherlock was deeming as interesting, but he had a sneaking suspicion that sometime within the next 48 hours he would find himself tied to their headboard. His cock twitched.

Sherlock, it seemed, already had his mind back on the experiment as, without warning, John was being dragged sideways and only just managed to maintain his balance as Sherlock made a beeline for the kitchen.

“Sherlock, wait! At least let me get out of the damn thing first” said John. Sherlock didn’t let up for a minute.

“John, its imperative that I get back, otherwise the integrity of the experiment will have disintegrated and the results will be useless. Now be quie…oooooof”

The onesie got tangled, Sherlock went down in a knot of limbs and John toppled over gracelessly to land on top of him.

“I told you to wait” said John, looking down at his lover and smirking. Sherlock was gasping.

“John, kindly remove your knee from my ribs, you buffoon!” he wheezed.

“Oh charming” huffed John, moving his knee down and settling between Sherlock’s legs. It was horribly uncomfortable with the torso of the onesie all twisted around them.

“Well, this is cosy” quipped John. Sherlock huffed at him and rolled his eyes.

“You’re cute when you’re exasperated” he giggled, leaning down and pecking a kiss onto the end of Sherlock’s nose.

“And you’re infuriating when your being cute” retorted Sherlock, rolling his eyes before winding his free arm around John’s neck and dragging him down into a deep, drawn out kiss.

“It’s why you love me though” breathed John, when they broke apart. He brought his thigh up a little and pushed, rubbing against Sherlock’s groin and making the detectives breathing hitch slightly.

“That’s naughty” breathed Sherlock, making no attempt to push John away. On the contrary, he wrapped one leg around John’s hip, snagging the onesie horribly as he did so, and pulled him in tighter, bringing their erections into alignment, causing them both to moan.

“Mrs Hudson will be back before we know it” gasped Sherlock, thrusting his hips up against Johns.

“Better get on with it then” smirked the doctor, crashing his lips against the detectives and plundering Sherlock’s mouth with his tongue. John loved kissing Sherlock, The detective fully invested himself in the activity, using his lips, teeth and tongue to wind John up in the best and most frustrating way. Today was no exception. Sherlock’s tongue met his enthusiastically and fought for dominance as John moaned and surrendered.

John ran his hand (the one that was trapped inside the onesie) down Sherlock’s torso, making him shiver and grind harder up into John. He yanked the hem of Sherlock’s shirt out of his trousers, pulled at his fly button until it popped open and then shoved his hand down Sherlock’s trousers.

“Do you even consider putting underwear on in the morning?” he asked breathlessly, as Sherlock moaned and squirmed deliciously below him.

“That would make encounters like this a lot more difficult”

Logic that John couldn’t argue with right now. He curled his hand around the hot, hard flesh of Sherlock’s erection and dragged downward slowly, revealing the flushed and leaking head of Sherlock’s cock and rubbing his palm over it. Sherlock whined and thrust up into the circle of John’s hand. John brought his free hand to Sherlock’s hip and pinned him down.

“Joooohn” moaned Sherlock, straining against the hand holding him down as John stroked his cock teasingly slowly. John kissed him again and tightened his grip on Sherlock’s cock, making him hiss and wriggle. Sherlock’s hand pawed at John’s jeans as he struggled to undo the button. John wriggled and squirmed until both trousers and boxers were around his thighs and fumbled to drag Sherlock’s trousers down as well.

He moaned when Sherlock pulled him up slightly, once again aligning their erections and, and circled his hand around them both. God bless Sherlock’s big hands thought John, as he thrust forward against Sherlock, quickly finding a rhythm that suited them both, John buried his face in Sherlock’s neck and panted against the sweaty skin there as he moved faster, moved harder, rubbing mercilessly against Sherlock as the detectives hand squeezed them together deliciously.

“ _Fuck”_ he breathed, listening to the shaky, high pitched whines that fell from Sherlock’s lips whenever he was close to falling apart. He grabbed at Sherlock’s shoulder with one hand and braced his other palm against the floor to rut harder against Sherlock, causing the volume of Sherlock’s moaning to increase by several decibels. At least Mrs Hudson was out.

“Fuck! John…yes…” moaned Sherlock, contracting and relaxing his hand around their cocks as John drove against him mercilessly. John groaned his name, thrusting wildly into his fist a few more times before freezing as he shouted out and came hard, spilling over Sherlock’s cock and his hand. Using John’s release to smooth the way, Sherlock gave himself a few more strokes and then he was coming, back arching and toes curling with pleasure.

The lay together, catching their breath. Inside the onesie was oppressive, hot and sweaty…and uncomfortably squishy as a result of their activities. But neither of them cared for at least five minutes.

“Well…not only have we just ruined my birthday present from Mrs Hudson, but I have also ruined a £400 pair of trousers” breathed Sherlock. John shifted and mumbled something that sounded like ‘worth it’ into Sherlock’s neck before propping himself up.

“We’d better get out of this and wash it before Mrs Hudson get’s back” said John, beginning to laugh hysterically.

“What on earth are you laughing at?”

“It’s just occurred to me…” wheezed John, bending to peck Sherlock on the lips.

“We must look ridiculous!”


End file.
